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I fantasise about having truly relaxing holidays - reading, sunbathing, eating lots of chocolate and never putting on an ounce. But the truth is that as soon as I'm alone, with maybe a week or more ahead of me, I become quite frightened. I must fill the time, so that I do not give way to gloomy thoughts. Gardening and cleaning are often my saviours. I still feel a c***dish pleasure in getting filthy and pulling up weeds from my tiny garden; but I get a more adult sense of satisfaction from cleaning my home and presenting it well. I am a home-maker; I am not ashamed of it. I only wish I had a chance to make a home for myself and someone who really cared about me.I imagine sometimes how satisfying it might be to get down on my knees and scrub the kitchen floor. I remember my mother doing this, and the tweed skirt she wore at the time, stretched tightly across her spreading backside. So I see myself; an ordinary housewife in a small cottage somewhere, in a tight skirt and jumper,. She needed to make a plan, but she didn’t really have a clue as to where to go next. As she sat in the local Friendly’s, eating a breakfast platter and finishing up a chocolate shake, she overheard the couple behind her. The woman said, ‘Lewis, I don’t care what you say, she just has to have help. We can move her in with us, or we are going to have to put her in a home. She just can’t continue living alone.’ The man answered, ‘Darling, we have been over this a million times. As sweet as she is, she is too independent for either one of those options. The doctor has said that she will be less mobile as the cancer spreads, but until then, we are just going to have to keep commuting back and forth to South Carolina. I’ll ask Marshall to help, but it’s going to be a long six months. She’s just too healthy to be so sick and old!’ Freddie could hear the woman sniffing as though she were crying. Then she said, ‘Lewis, she’s the dearest 90-year-old I’ve ever known. It’s not fair that she has.
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